Date Night: The Heartbeat That Keeps Love Alive

**All New: Listen instead of read with the Blooming Thoughts Podcast: https://youtu.be/8h_KEZu0pKg

Every time a couple who has been married for many years is asked: what is the secret to a successful marriage. The answer is always, communication, or always say I love you. But, in my opinion, what it really should be is date night. I know this seems like it might be an interesting take. But think about when a marriage or relationship fails. At the bottom of it, the couple usually isn't taking time out for their relationship anymore. We all get busy, especially when children come into the picture. We all are so wrapped up in our lives that we forget that our relationship is extremely important.

The Slow Fade: What Happens When You Stop Dating

When we are busy in our lives and our love life starts to fade away this creates emotional distance. What used to be texts about how much each is missed and loved, it turns to what did we have planned for tonight? Although it doesn't happen quickly, it is something that can be fixed by spending more uninterrupted quality time together. As mentioned, couples can drift apart, and this can lead to the roommate stage. You aren't being intimate as much as either person would like, or maybe not at all. You are also just going with the flow of every day life. Wake up, work, pick up daughter from dance, make dinner, goodnight, sleep, wake up and do it again. This might mean your relationship has entered the roommate stage. When life get's busy, your idea of romance turns into the last slice of pizza while half-asleep watching Netflix.

If you feel that you might have lost the romance in your relationship, I want you to ask yourself, when was the last time my partner and I went on a date. And I am not just talking about stopping quick at McDonalds on the way home from your child's soccer game. I mean just you and your partner spending time alone. If you answer isn't within the last month, then you might guess what I am going to tell you... Go plan a date!

Why Date Night Matters (The Science & Soul)

Turns out there is actually science behind this. Your brain is a sucker for candlelight and conversation. When you experience things such as holding your partner's hand, laughing over dinner, or reminiscing over the early days, your body releases dopamine and oxytocin. Dopamine is the chemical that tells us it feels good and to do it again. It is the spark of joy, attraction, and excitement. Oxytocin on the other hand is the "bonding hormone". It is what you feel when you hug, hold hands, or feel emotionally safe. Together, these two chemicals retrain your brain to associate your partner with happiness and comfort. Every date night is like a mini reset button for your relationship chemistry.

By going on date nights, you are opening your relationship up to emotional intimacy, stress relief, and stronger communication. Emotional intimacy is that deep sense of closeness you feel when you can be fully yourself with someone. You don't have that fear of judgement, rejection, or needing to "perform." It is when you can share your most inner most thoughts with someone; your fears, dreams, frustrations, and random thoughts. The other person actually listens, understand and still stays close to you. Emotional intimacy forms when both people feel safe enough to open up and when both care enough to listen.

When you have a strong relationship built on emotional intimacy, this can actually lower anxiety, build security, and strengthen resilience as a couple. We all go through hard times, and it would be impossible to get through it all alone. Your partner should be someone you can come to when you are feeling overwhelmed and have them offer their ear and anything else to ease your mind. Overall, you and your partner should be a team, and as we know, there is no I in team.

Date nights are not about fancy dinners or spending lots of money. It is truly about being present. Every Friday, me and my fiancé try to have date night. We don't have kids yet so this is more doable for us. We rarely go out to fancy dinners. We mostly just try to enjoy each other's company. This past Friday, I was surprised with an at home date night. He set up the back yard into a drive in movie spot. He had cleared out the back of the car, put the seats down, and laid down some sleeping bags and pillows and faced it towards a tv he had set up outside. We ate leftover pizza and watched a scary movie. This date night cost us $0. It was one of my most favorite date nights because it meant that he took the time to set it up, and think about what I would really want in the date. We had loads of fun, laughed, and reset our relationship chemistry.

Real Talk: Common Excuses (and Why They’re Weak)

There are many excuses we might use as to why we cannot participate in date night. The biggest one is "We don't have time." Well actually, you do, you just choose not to set aside time for it. If you can honestly say you cannot set aside even one hour of time to enjoy your partner's company and rekindle the romance in your relationship, you should probably fix that because that amount of busy is unhealthy for anyone. And let's be real, you most certainly can make the time. The most realistic would be to start with one day a month that is strictly set aside for date night, if that seems like not enough, increase it. The date night we just had lasted about an hour and a half, just the time to watch a movie. This is totally doable.

The next excuse is "We can't afford it." Well, like I said earlier, there are many ways in which date night can be cheap or even free. There have been many times that we have been strapped for money and therefore we had to stay in. If you have kids, have a babysitter come take them for a few hours, and just stay home. We have had times where we watch movies, play games (our favorite is skipbo), or just have some drinks and talk. No matter what it was, the price was low and the time spent was priceless.

Someone could also say "We're too tired." I would think that would be the exact reason you need it. Maybe your date night is about getting into bed, giving each other a massage, cuddling and taking a nap. It doesn't have to be anything crazy or energy draining. The date night should be tailored to your own needs and wants. Maybe cuddling and watching a movie could be a great option.

Practical Ways to Bring Date Night Back

Here are just a few date night ideas:

• Cook dinner together after the kids are asleep.

  • This would be a fun way to reconnect. It would be like when you are up late with your friend and your trying to be quiet but you cannot stop giggling together because you are trying so hard not to get caught. You can cook together and spend some much needed quality time together.

• Take a walk with no phones.

  • I know this seems crazy, no phones. But a lot of the times we are spending time without actually paying attention to each other because we are so engrossed on our phones. But head out, take a walk. This will give you time to slip your hands in one another's and have a laid back conversation. There is actually a great deal of science behind this, walking together. Growing up my parents took a walk every single day. They sometimes argued, but they said that they had their best discussions and deep conversations on those walks. Why? Because you are forced to talk or you will be bored out of your mind.

  • If you are interested in learning more about this theory, check out this book: When Couples Walk Together by Cindi and Hugh McMenamin

    

• Drive somewhere quiet and talk like you used to.

  • This one is a simple one. This gets you away from the house and in a space where you can just sit and talk. Me and my fiance have had many times like this. We have sometimes just gotten home from dinner or running errands and we end up just sitting in the car jamming to music or talking. It is a great way to feel connected.

• Have a coffee date before work.

  • This one is for my early bird couples... certainly not me. But if you both are up early together, share your cup of coffee together. Sit next to each other, sip and talk about whatever comes to mind.

    

• Try “unplugged Fridays.”

  • Unplugged Fridays could be anything. But it mostly means, put down the technology, forget about the outside world and pay attention to each other. I find that it is most fun to have a game night. We usually will play games like scrabble, clue, or uno to change it up. But really, this time is designed for you. So whatever sounds good would be just fine.

Whatever you choose to do for your date night, just ensure that you maintain consistency. Whether you do date night every Friday like me, once a month, or every other week, just maintain consistency. Sometimes life gets in the way, someone gets the stomach bug, or responsibilities pop up. But just make sure that you make plans to reschedule date night as soon as possible. It is important that you keep with it. We can all say from our new years resolutions, that if you don't stick to something, we will end up abandoning it.

The Ripple Effect

When your relationship is thriving, everyone reaps the benefits. If you have children, they can sense tension, which is not an example of a healthy relationship. Our friends and coworkers might even notice. Think about a couple that you know that you feel has a really strong connection. Now think of one that you feel may have a poor one. We can all think of examples for both. This means that those around us can sense when things may be going array in our lives. In order to avoid this, going on date nights causes our overall aura to become more positive.

By having a healthy relationship, we are teaching our children what healthy love looks like. Healthy love looks like communication, effort, laughter, intimacy. It doesn't look like fighting and silent treatments. Therefore, it is best to rekindle your connection by starting date nights. Along with this, date nights are not exactly for repair, although it can aide this, but for prevention. You are preventing those little cracks that sometimes occur in relationship foundations.

"Love doesn't fade - it just waits to be noticed again. So light the candles, grab the car keys, or sit together under the stars. Your relationship deserves it's own night."

Call to Action: What is one thing you could do this week to make time for each other?

Note: all images (besides the book cover) were created using AI.

**All New: Listen instead of read with the Blooming Thoughts Podcast: https://youtu.be/8h_KEZu0pKg

Jacasa Currie

Blooming Thoughts Blog