Coming Home to Faith: How I Found My Way Back to God and Myself

A Background Built in Faith

As a child, I grew up with Catholic grandparents. They wanted me to be involved in the church, and so I was. I was baptized Catholic and attended both Sunday school and Catholic school. But as time went on, I started to question my faith. As a family, we went to church only on major holidays such as easter and Christmas. I felt church was so long as a child, we were there for hours. I went as far as to get my first communion but stopped there. The older I got the farther I got from my faith. As bad things started to happen in my life, I started questioning God. I thought, how could God let so many bad things happen? I felt that I had tried to be a good person, so why was I experiencing such hardship?

I later went through so much that I got to the point of not wanting to live anymore. I knew that I needed help, which I got mental health help from my therapist, but what about my soul? I felt so lost and that I was floundering trying to find the why of it all. Then I realized that I really needed to get back into my faith. I had gone back to my roots and attended mass in the Catholic church I grew up in. I attended every single Sunday. But there was a problem, 90% of the population who attended the church were 70 years old or older. I found it hard to make connections with the people around me and thought that younger people just were not diving into their faith anymore. So, I slowly started to lose faith again.

The Search for My People

For a while, I just went through life with no faith. But I did have that feeling that everything happens for a reason. I knew this because I had lived it. After going through something horrific, I would later find out the reason for that suffering. It all came full circle. I knew that there was a higher power, but I was unsure of what that higher being was. So, there I was wanting to get back into my faith again. Still feeling lost and wanting that sense of community that a church can bring you. And so, my search began again.

I went to ChatGPT, an AI search engine in which I use daily. I searched for Christian based churches in my area that have large populations of young adults. Then I came across New Life Church in Oneonta. There was a higher population of people my age in which I can connect with. So, last week, I attended church for the first time in years. It was such an uplifting experience. They even have an app in which I can connect with others in the church, find groups to join, and you can even stream church right from your phone. I loved the vibe of this church, there was no fear based tactics. It was all focused on praising God and essentially being the best version of yourself. I absolutely loved my time. I joined a few groups. I am now a part of a women's group and a young adult group. I get to join others with positive outlooks on life three times a week and it is wonderful.

A Chance for Renewal

As I sat in church for the first time and attended my first group meeting this week, I started to wonder why in the world I hadn't done it sooner. I craved more, so I started to listen to podcasts. I really love one called Bible Book Club. These two women go through the bible and make it easier to understand. I read my bible daily, but sometimes I struggle to understand what it's really saying. So therefore, this podcast has really helped me to better understand.

In my life, I have made many mistakes and I feel I need to make up for those mistakes. Becoming closer with God has really helped me to atone for those mistakes. I try to put my best foot forward every single day. While at church this past Sunday, the pastor talked about how they were holding baptism this Sunday. I was intrigued. Although I had been baptized Catholic, I felt this was wasted in the years that I spent away from my faith. So, I am proud to say that tomorrow I take the plunge, literally, into my faith and commit myself to my faith, and am going to be baptized at my new church. I am incredibly excited for this as this is my chance to wipe the slate clean and be able to live a more Christian based life.

My Why

My boyfriend said to me, why are you so into this all of a sudden? Well, I feel as though we all need something to believe in. Sometimes we have days where we lose faith in ourselves and need guidance. Well, that is part of my why. I feel that on my hardest days, God can be with me and push me to keep going, that everything will be okay, I just have to have faith. I also love the sense of community the church provides. There are people in my life that I know for sure, and have tested that if I do not reach out to them, they will not reach out to me. But, with the church, we all have a like mind. I know that if I ever needed anything, my church would be there for me. Which is part of why I wanted to get back into church.

I also love that Christianity provides us with a sense of morals. Which, I know you can have without it, and that is fine if you choose not to follow God. But, I find that the bible teaches us to be kind to others and to love no only our friends and neighbors, but our enemies too. We should be praying for those of us who choose to be unkind to us, that they find peace. So, that is another reason that I wanted to get back into my faith. To remind myself of how to be kind to others and how to forgive. There are a lot of things that I have been through that I just couldn't find myself able to forgive. But, I find that with my faith, I am able to find forgiveness in my faith.

My Hopes for My Readers

My hope for you readers is that you are able to find peace in your life. I know that you might not want to go to church and follow God. That is okay, you don't need to. I would never force people into that. I grew up with that forceful faith and I do not intend to do that to you. But my hope for you is that you can find a sense of community somewhere, whether that is through a church, or in a new group of friends, or really anything. We all have felt alone in this world at times and it is wonderful to have a sense of community. But if you are looking into joining a church, I highly recommend it. When I leave on Sunday, I leave feeling way better than I had when I arrived. I leave feeling hopeful and uplifted. That is something I hope you all can find for yourselves! May you find peace in this life!

Jacasa Currie

Blooming Thoughts Blog