Cutting Ties, Finding Freedom: Removing Toxicity from Your Life

We all know those people in our lives, the ones that are constant headaches. Sometimes that person may be a friend, or maybe even a family member. But how do you know when that person becomes too toxic to remain in your life? Let's discuss that.

What does a toxic person mean?

A toxic person is someone whom exhibits a lot of negative behaviors and thought patterns. They tend to put others down and create problems where they aren't really necessary. Maybe there aren't any of these people in your inner circle of life. But let me explain it in a way that most people can relate to. I want you to think of your job, or maybe a previous job you've had. Think about that one coworker in which you didn't really jive with. They most likely radiated negativity. Maybe they came in every day and all they did was complain. Maybe they talked about others badly behind their backs. Maybe they barked orders at others while they sat around doing nothing. Whatever the case may be, it is someone with whom you really did not enjoy interacting with. This is an example of a toxic person.

Let's take a look at some of the most common traits for toxic people:

1: Manipulative Behavior

• They use others for their own advantage.

2: Lack of Empathy

• When faced with other's issues they tend to show little regard for other's feelings, instead they turn things around to be about them instead.

3: Constant Negativity

• This person will radiate negativity, they will approach most if not all situations with a pessimistic attitude.

4: Criticism and Judgement

• They often put others down, diminish the accomplishment of others and make others feel inadequate.

5: Controlling Tendencies

• They often micromanage or try to control the thoughts and/or actions of others in order to achieve personal benefit.

6: Shifting of Blame

• They never take responsibility for their actions and blame others when things go wrong.

7: Exploitation

• Using others kindness or weaknesses for their own benefit.

What to do when you realize someone you know is a toxic person?

Of course this is all going to depend on who this person is to you in your life. If this person is someone who you can just plain avoid, then that is the best option. It is important not to play their game, per say, and act the same way back to them. It will not teach them any lessons and will just bring more problems your way. Try to keep your interactions with this person to an absolute minimum.

But what do I do if this person is someone important in my life like a close family member?

This is the toughest part of life, letting go. Of course no one wants to lose people in their life. But it is imperative to sit back and take a look at what the relationship with this person has offered you. Recently, I have had to cut ties with a very close person whom I have been around for about ten years. It was a hard decision to make. But over the course of our relationship, I found that there was just way more negativity than there was positive. I felt that every time I visited them I felt as though my presence was not wanted. I also found that there was too much hurt and bad done in the past and new hurt that I could not find it in my heart to forgive, at least not yet.

Although it was hard, I had to let the person know that I was going to be telling them goodbye for now. It doesn't always have to be a forever cut, but the cut is most of the time necessary. I am a firm believer that everyone deserves second chances, but when you give too many chances and they keep ruining that chance, it is time to come to terms that things will never change. Sometimes it takes space apart for people to understand the gravity of their actions. Sometimes that relationship can never be recovered. But either way, it is worth the risk when you spend more time upset by your interactions.

How to cut the ties...

When you have figured out that there is someone whom you need to cut ties with, there are many options for how to do so. It may be extremely tricky to cut ties with someone especially if they are someone you see frequently. If they are someone in which you do not see frequently, you could just simply discontinue communicating with that person. This could mean blocking the person from texts/calls and social media. This could also mean just simply stop replying to them.

If it is someone who you see frequently, I suggest telling them what you are feeling. I think it is always best to communicate how you are feeling, but some situations are harder than others. Personally, I feel that an in person break off is not suggested. Whenever people try to talk in person, there are interruptions by the other person, sometimes you feel rushed and dont say everything you wanted to say. Most importantly, it doesn't give you time to think before you speak.

Therefore in order to get the correct message across. I suggest either writing a letter, or sending a well thought out text message/email/DM. Take your time and really think about all the things that have bothered you. Remember you are also providing closure for this person. It is important for them to know how they did wrong so that they could potentially fix it with you in the future, or learn not to repeat the same mistakes with someone else.

You can also plan before you write/type. Make a list of all the points in which lead you to make this decision. While you are writing/typing refer to the list so that you can make sure that you do not miss anything. And most importantly reread what you have written/typed. Sometimes when we are just letting it all out we can make mistakes or word something the wrong way. Rereading allows us to make changes where they need to be made, delete something, or add something. Then when you have finally felt you have crafted the perfect letter/message, send it and don't look back. It may be best to then block the person to give yourself space to process.

Know that it will hurt.

I am not going to sugar coat it... this wont be easy. It is going to hurt and you are going to wonder if you are doing the right thing. But try to remind yourself that if the person brought a lot of hurt into your life, it is worth it for your own sake to let go. At the end of the day you are the most important person in your life, you have to take care of yourself. Also keep in mind that you can try again later with this person. It doesnt have to be a permanent goodbye. Some day you can come back and try again. Of course we all hope that by then the person will have realized their wrongs and works to fix them, but that may not be the case. In the end, you have to just do what is best for you.

Moving Forward

It is going to be an adjustment to not have that person in your life anymore. But try your best to lean into others and maybe even make new connections. Spend time doing activities you enjoy. Keeping yourself distracted goes a long way. If you have someone in which you can confide in about the situation, allow them to be there for you. And know, my readers, you are never alone in this world, I will always keep an open door to anyone who is in need of someone to listen.

In Conclusion

As always, I hope this blog has helped someone in tough situation. If not, I hope that you at least gained something from your read. I am so grateful to all of those who have read and continue to read my blogs. I am so sorry that they are so inconsistent with when they are released. Thank you for your patience and sticking with me, my schedule and life is crazy at the moment, but I promise I will always take time for you all!

Thank you for reading! Until next time,

Jacasa